Every Ghanaian employee’s wish list to Santa this Christmas

What every employee wishes for

If most employees had a secret wish list this Christmas, it would contain one or several of the wishes listed below. Forget the free lunch, the X’mas parties, the medical benefits and all. They simply don’t cut it. There are certain things Ghanaian employees need. Some of them are wild fantasies and employers have a good reason to turn deaf ears. We yearn for these things so bad, we’ve even made a wish list to Santa. By compiling this wishlist, we hope our employers’ hearts will be touched and our wishes will be granted in 2017.

1. Fridays should be half-day

This seems like a default but employers don’t seem to get it. Fridays don’t look like, and shouldn’t be work days at all. Fridays, in fact, should be renamed “Fri-yay”. They are days for “popping”.  Every employee’s system automatically shifts into party mood as soon as day breaks on Fridays. Our minds are party-inclined. We’ve been torn, stressed and beaten up throughout the week, so why can’t we just take half day off and do what we like best; party! We’re not asking for much. Instead of taking the whole day off, just grant us half day. We have Kebabs and an ice chest full of drinks, ready to hit the beach.

2. Take a day off whenever I want

This is another humble request we shouldn’t break arms and legs over. What employers need to understand is that it is not every time there should be a reason for taking a day off. We simply need a day because….well, we just need a day off. We know we need it but can’t explain it to you. It’s just one of those things you need badly but can’t justify it. Sometimes we just want to stay in bed all day watching the latest TV  series or do some “kpakpakpa” for fast cash which you’re not willing to give. Other times we just want to idle around. You know that feeling when everyone else is at work and you’re home just chilling, all alone? Yes, you got it. Sometimes, that’s the whole idea of a day off. Please Santa, touch the hearts of our employers to just grant us this wish without questions.  

3. Work from home with allowance for bills

Times are hard, and cost of fuel is skyrocketing. Aside from the high cost of transportation, traffic jam in town is so bad, you could literally cook jollof rice in your car and eat it before you get to work. We expect employers to see telecommuting as a win-win scenario: Here’s why:

  • We’ll save you massive utility bills  i.e electricity, water, internet
  • We’ll save you rent bills. You could rent a smaller office for occasional check-ins and critical meeting (We’re not talking about Monday meeting 🙂 )
  • Your high blood pressure will effectively disappear. You don’t have to see the annoying faces of non-performing staff every day.
  • We will suffer less stress from traffic jams. Peak performance for you.
  • No more sick leave and day off excuses

So you see, the employer stands to benefit more from us working from home. All we ask for is just a little allowance to take care of internet bills and electricity. Electricity Company of Ghana recently revealed that Laptops consume a lot of electricity. We hope by this analysis we have come to an amicable solution. Over to you Santa. We hope to see this implemented in 2017.

4. One hour nap time

After eating Banku and Okro soup or two balls of Ga Kenkey with fish, what do you expect? A deep nap of course! This isn’t much to ask. Ghanaian diet is 90% Carbohydrates. It isn’t our fault if you catch us dozing off right after lunch. Moreover, you don’t provide us coffee or tea. We’re not even accustomed to taking those. If you’ve observed, we waste the first two hours after lunch time dozing off or being in a complete state of semi-consciousness. Why don’t you salvage this situation by providing nap rooms where we could take just one hour nap time every day after lunch. We’ll be energised, alert and more focused. We promise you productivity will rise 15% by just granting this wish alone.

 

5. Don’t ask for evidence when I take a sick leave

“I’m sick and I feel it within” that’s a popular sick phrase. We don’t need to provide a doctor’s note or a receipt from the Pharmacy to prove this. You just have to trust us when we say we’re ill. You see, some sickness cannot be diagnosed by a doctor. It doesn’t matter how many hospitals we visit or how many different lab tests we do. There’s nothing medically wrong with us, but deep inside we know we’re sick and we really need that one day off to recuperate. You may not understand because that’s just an employee-related sickness.

6. Salary raise every quarter

We aspire to enjoy those dream vacations in the Bahamas. Our bucket list for the next 5 years includes buying the latest Range Rover, building a 4-room mansion, flying first class, a vacation in Dubai etc. However, the rate at which raises are implemented, there’s absolutely no hope these can be realistically achieved. We work so hard, we do overtime, we sacrifice family and life for your  company. Yearly raises are not adequate considering the very high cost of living in Ghana. All we humbly ask for is for raises to be implemented quarterly. You will be justified to call us for quarterly target meetings when raises are awarded accordingly.

7. Scrap targets and don’t access me

Truth be told, targets stress us more than anything in this world. They haunt us at work and at home as well. We sleep and dream about targets. We barely have our peace of mind. Why can’t we just work like you? Targets make us lose focus. No need to keep reminding us about them every time. One of the reasons why we don’t hit our targets is because of your constant nagging and bashing. Scrap all the targets and let’s all have one yearly review. We promise you productivity will skyrocket.

8. Monday meetings shouldn’t be compulsory

We don’t need to meet every Monday and be reminded about the same things all over again. We know what we have to do. We’re adults for God’s sake. We need no baby sitting. We know when we’re performing or not. No need to publicly humiliate us in front of us. The word “Monday” already has the word “stress” written all over it. We don’t need another set of stress perfectly clothed under the guise of “meeting”. We should be out there chasing clients and money.

9. Report to work at 10am and close at 3pm

We don’t need to argue about this. Best practice requires that employees are well rested and in the right state of mind for peak performance. We get home exhausted from the day’s work. We just don’t have enough sleep at night. For those of us who are married, we have to dress and feed the kids and see them kids off to school. For the unmarried ones, especially the guys, late night parties wouldn’t allow us enough sleep on time. 10 am is a perfect time to report to work. Not to mention that traffic is peak between 7am-9am so it’s perfectly in order to allow us to report at 10 am. Numerous researches also show the most product time for every employee is the first 5hours of reporting to work.The rest are a waste of time. Rumours actually have it that Germans work only 6 hours a day but they are the most productive labour force in the world. So you see, 5 hours work time isn’t off the mark. We also need to get home early before traffic starts building up. This wish is important for our wellbeing. Hope to see it implemented in 2017.

10. No X’mas Party, just give us the money

There you have it Santa. Christmas party? No thanks. We have Christmas parties at home. There’s a whole lot of responsibility on our heads so instead of organising a fancy and overly expensive dinner party, just give us the cash. By estimation, the average person consumes one plate of rice and 2 bottles of drink. This implies the rest of the money goes into fancy party decorations and expensive Venue. Not smart at all. To save you the stress of organising these parties, we recommend all employers divide the money up and add it to our meagre yearly allowance (God knows if there’s anything like that in most companies).

This wish list is about to be delivered on the 23rd night. Do you have any other wishes, fellow employees? Submit them in the comments and we’ll be sure to add them and deliver to Santa.

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